- Strengthening Inter- and Intra- Personal Assets
- Developing and maintaining a healthy sense of self as shaped by God, community, and life experiences.
- Living in relationships of covenantal accountability with God and the Church.
- Exhibiting strong moral character and personal integrity.
- Respecting the dignity of all God’s people.
- Understanding and ministering to stages of human development across the life span.
- Demonstrating excellent communication skills.
1. Developing and maintaining a healthy sense of self as shaped by God, community, and life experiences.
This mark asks me to understand how my upbringing and life experiences, as well as relationships, experiences of exclusion, educational experiences, and faith, have shaped who I am today. When I reflect upon my journey, including my experiences of coming out as a gay man and my experiences with reparative therapy, developing a deeper understanding of God’s presence has helped me recognize how lived experience can have a drastic influence and impact on one’s theology and ministry as a pastor. I have learned, through all of these experiences and more, that my story and experiences can help me connect with others. While I may be able to relate to someone’s experiences or have commonalities with their journey it does not automatically mean I understand their stories, experiences and journey. Each of us has a different story to tell and as a pastor, I believe it is a blessing and privilege to come alongside and be a small part of someone else’s journey. Moving forward, I need to continue to develop my own self-awareness and recognize when my personal experiences are influencing my responses, using reflection, trusted relationships, and feedback to support that growth. This isn’t an issue that comes up frequently; however, being mindful of it is hugely important.
2. Living in relationships of covenantal accountability with God and the Church.
This mark asks me to understand ministry as a relationship of mutual responsibility. There can be powerful growth when pastors participate in relationships of covenantal accountability, with both God and the Church. Pastoral ministry should never be about an individual vocation exercised without oversight, for this is a recipe for disaster. While attending Wesley Theological Seminary, I participated in a class on spiritual formation. One aspect of that class was participating in a covenantal accountability group. This group has been deeply influential in my own development. In addition to this course, I have had the opportunity to participate in conversations with mentors and congregational leaders which has provided opportunities to examine my conduct, gifts, and areas for growth. There is power in mutual covenantal accountability: I have learned that accountability protects both the pastor and the community. It helps ensure that personal convictions remain connected to the wider Church. I need to become increasingly comfortable inviting accountability before problems arise, rather than trying to figure it out on my own. I also need to treat challenging feedback as an opportunity for faithful formation, growth and development.
3. Exhibiting strong moral character and personal integrity.
This mark asks me to demonstrate honesty, reliability, fairness, and consistency between my both my convictions and my actions. While working as a supervisor within the child welfare system, specifically when I worked in Allegheny County, Pennsylvania, I discovered that professional supervision between myself and my staff as well as between myself and my clinical manager can mean acknowledging a mistake in a case decision, correcting inaccurate documentation, and communicating transparently about a difficult situation. All of those scenarios are ones where I have had staff on opposite ends of the spectrum- ones who are honest about their mistakes and ones who have attempted to cover it up. I have learned through these situations that integrity is demonstrated most clearly when honesty is inconvenient and when I am accountable for an error. As a supervisor, I have given direction that has had unintended consequences. Rather than allow my staff to take the fall, I always took a “the buck stops here” approach and was honest about the situation. While it can be challenging to admit, it is the right thing to do. In the future, I need to keep examining how stress, competing priorities, and the desire to meet expectations might affect my own decisions as a pastor. I will continue seeking feedback from trusted mentors, colleague, and congregational leaders and will continue to follow established ethical standards.
4. Respecting the dignity of all God’s people.
This mark asks me to treat every person as worthy of respect. This worthiness is given regardless of their identity, circumstances, beliefs, or behavior. It is extended whether I agree with them politically, spiritually, personally, or professionally. In working with families through my experiences in child welfare who were facing difficult situations, it has reinforced the importance of separating a person’s inherent dignity from the challenges or decisions that bring them into contact with the systems and institutions I worked. For example, I had a case were the parents made decisions that placed their family in unhealthy circumstances. While I disagreed with the parents’ actions and decisions, I still extended dignity and respect to them. I have learned throughout my career, both professionally and personally, that respecting dignity does not mean ignoring harmful behavior. There does need to be a level of accountability; however, that doesn’t mean we respond in ways that are dehumanizing. As a growing edge, I need to continue examining the language I use, the assumptions I make, and the ways institutional power can affect people who have less control over their circumstances.
5. Understanding and ministering to stages of human development across the life span.
This mark asks me to understand how developmental stages, life transitions, and changing capacities influence people’s needs and experiences of faith. What a person may need as a child is different from when they are a teenager, similarly someone in their mid-thirties has different needs than someone who is in their eighties. My work with children and families has helped me recognize that children, adolescents, and adults require different approaches to communication, support, and decision-making. What works for one does not work for all- I should not have cookie cutter approaches to the people in my congregation- it does a disservice to them at the very least. Through my experiences as a service coordinator and within child welfare, I have learned and can now apply to ministry that effective ministry respects developmental differences without reducing people to stereotypes about age. Moving forward, I need to deepen my knowledge of adult development- specifically surrounding the aging population as well as learning about grief, and spiritual formation across the life span so that my pastoral care and teaching are responsive to people at different stages of life.
6. Demonstrating excellent communication skills.
This mark asks me to communicate clearly, listen attentively, adapt my approach to different audiences, and address conflict constructively. This is an area that I have improved upon only as time has gone on. When I was supervising caseworkers, it was crucial to engage in communication that was excellent- I provided reports to judges and hearing officers. These reports and testimony had a direct impact on a family’s situation. If I was unclear or provided misinformation- it could prove to be detrimental and harmful. As a child welfare professional, we were the eyes and ears of the courts- communicating with excellence was hugely important. In applying this to congregational ministry, it is hugely important to have excellent communication: whether it is preparing congregational materials, explaining expectations, communicating sensitive information, or adapting my language to professional and pastoral settings- excellent communication is paramount. I have learned that effective communication not only consists of speaking, but also consists of listening for what people say and what they mean because there are times when the two are different. As an opportunity for further development and growth, I must continue to improve how I communicate during disagreement, particularly when a topic is emotionally charged. In these circumstances, I tend to speak quickly and recognize that a healthy pause is most certainly helpful and definitely beneficial to all of those who are involved in the situation. By slowing down, asking clarifying questions, and checking that others understand my intentions, I can not only hopefully improve the situation, but I can also use it as a means to continue to improve my communication skills.
Strengthening Inter- and Intra-Personal Assets
I recognize as well as believe that my lived experiences have shaped how I understand others, but those experiences do not automatically make me an expert in the lives of others- each of us are the experts of our own lives. I believe that faithful ministry requires not only self-awareness but also humility and a willingness to listen and learn. I seek to continually recognize my own assumptions and privileges, accept accountability when I cause harm, and develop the emotional maturity necessary to lead with both conviction and compassion.
